Why Adoption?

national-adoption-week-1

DIY Daddy

 

My Random Musings

As it’s National Adoption Week I wanted to write a short (ish) blog about why we chose to adopt our second child.  The following are not in any sort of order but hopefully explain why we chose the path we did to expand our family.

  1. I’m 40 (almost +1), and to be honest the thought of sleepless nights, nappies and chasing a toddler around the house didn’t really hold any appeal.  I love babies – I really do; with their squishy little feet and cheeks and their cute baby gurgling noises but I love sleep and sanity too.
  2. It was something we had always talked about and wanted to do.  It’s been something in my head since I was a teen.  I can’t explain it – I find it hard to explain my motivations for wanting to do it but I knew that I did. After years of teaching I knew I was able to easily bond with children, I always felt I didn’t need to grow a child to develop that bond and that fierce protectiveness of a parent.
  3. Our son is diagnosed with ASD.  Babies crying put him on edge.  He has just started to develop an interest in small babies and toddlers but until very recently, they provided no entertainment or friendship for him and therefore he showed little interest.  Adoption was a great opportunity to provide him with a sibling  with who he could begin to bond with and develop a friendship with immediately.
  4. It’s a cliché but I really do feel that there are too many children in the care system waiting for homes.  Sometimes it amazes me when I see posts on social media looking for kittens and puppies.  People are very quick to respond with “don’t buy, adopt – there are too many animals without a forever home’.  I totally understand the biological and psychological need to make, grow and give birth to a baby but maybe if more people gave adoption a deeper thought, we would have more children in their forever homes.
  5.  The ugly truth that when children reach a certain age (a fairly young age) they are unlikely to be adopted and this did not sit comfortably with us is one reason that we chose Barnados as they specialise in ‘harder to place’ children.  Harder to place can be for a number of reasons e.g. sibling groups or contact arrangements, age, behaviours that may be difficult, health reasons from severe 24 hour care needs to minor sight issues etc.  We had a spare room, a lot of love, parenting experience and experience with additional needs – there was a child out there who we could provide a forever home for.
  6. I hated pregnancy and giving birth. Don’t judge!  Short version; I was sick for 7 months, I didn’t gain weight until month 6, I had severe selling in my joints and feet, I lost my waters and contractions began 3 days before I gave birth, J was back to back until near the end and it was just awful.  I’m aware people have much worse and I am aware that some people thoroughly enjoy their experience.  I only have my personal experience to go on.

In summary, these are my views and they were our family’s choices.  Some may think our reasons were a little selfish, some people have said we’re amazing.  We’re neither – we chose the best option for us as a family and it’s not easy but it’s working beautifully.

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33 thoughts on “Why Adoption?

  1. So many good points and reasons that you have made here. We have spoken about but not seriously considered adoption yet. I’m in my mid 40s and my partner is older so its unlikely that we will have another child naturally. Great food for thought. #ThatFridayLinky

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    1. Thank you for reading and for your kind words. It’s an amazing option but it’s not easy and the process can be very long. We were 18 months start to finish and apparently that was record timing. We have develooped good relationships with the adopters of the siblings and I know thier times were several years in some cases. It takes patience but it’s been worth it.

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      1. it took a year to become approved as adopters (I’m in the UK) and then we had to move through another panel for a specific child. If you are in the UK, most agencies hold casual coffee mornings – no pressure. It may be worth popping along if interested xxx

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    1. Stability is key xx it’s an option I’d recommend exploring. I’d never push people into it but I wish more would explore. Visit the coffee mornings and check out agencies when you are ready x Talk to adopters too at these events. Good luck whatever you decide x

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  2. As a fellow adoptive parent…yes! I am almost 50 and am very glad with my 7 year old. So many kids needing homes! #ablogginggoodtime

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  3. It’s awesome you have adopted a child and helped a child have a normal life with a family Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week

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  4. I agree, so many people want new babies and forget about the children that need a home too, I had always thought we would adopt, we have been through so much to have the 3 children we have and I thought we wold then adopt, but with my mental illness I know sadly it is now not in the cards for us. I desperately want another child, but do not have the mental strength. I did adopt 3 cats, I think in someway that was to help with the pain of no more children. I think you are amazing and not selfish at all! Thanks for being part of #AbloggingGoodTime

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    1. Thank you for reading and for the lovely reply. At the time of going through panel.i was on meds for depression and it was never an issue. I was asked how I manage it and I was open. My doctor also approved us and was fine with it. X it is a very stressful process and it is draining. X
      I love cats 😍 what are their names?

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  5. #thesatsesh *bows down in awe. Seriously cool thing to do, I work with a lot of PLAC teenagers and the struggle is real. Best of luck to you and your family, how long did the process take for you?

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  6. It’s really interesting to hear you say that you’ve been pondering adoption since you were teen because it’s something I’ve always had in the back of my mind too. We have two children of our own (and have experience of special needs like you, too), but I’ve always wondered about offering a forever home to another child too. Maybe we will follow in your footsteps one day… #blogcrush

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    1. It’s deffinitely something worth thinking about. We found the hardest part is the joining of the two children, both finding their feet with thier new roles in the family and desperately hanging onto their previous ones. If we had another spare room I would be tempted again in a few years but we don’t and I’m probably getting carried away. Most agencies have monthly coffee mornings that are casual and have adopters there so if you are thinking about it, pop along – it’s a casual affair and no commitment or pushyness (or at least there shouldn’t be.)
      Thanks for reading xx

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  7. Adoption is a wonderful choice, so many children out there need a permanent and safe home. As it’s National Adoption Awareness month, I’m so happy to come across your lovely post😊 Thanks so much for sharing.

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